As your due date approaches I remember the good and the bad. I remember the moment I found out I was pregnant with you. I was scared and excited. I remember telling my Papa in a notebook that we write notes to each other in. I remember him telling me it was going to be ok. We could handle anything. I remember the first ultrasound and seeing you flutter around. I remember the next ultrasound where they assured me there was a heartbeat only to tell me moments later there was none. I remember every moment of the weekend I lost you. I remember how the doctor told me there was no heartbeat. I remember the goals I had for myself, you, and the pregnancy. I remember the names I called you. I remember the incredible bond I felt with you. A closeness I had never felt in any other pregnancy. I remember how I couldn’t call the funeral home. How handing you over was so hard. I remember you. I remember every date and every moment. I remember holding you in my hands. I remember how you shared the same nose as your siblings. You were perfect. Loving you was so easy, but loosing you has been so hard. The heartache can be unbearable at times. Its a lonely place. I want to live normal, but my new normal doesn’t feel the same. I remember when it feels like no one else does.
The big 8 