It’s hard to believe that it will be five months this month. I’ve learned how to fake it. I’ve learned how to get through day by day. I’ve learned how to hide the tears. I’ve learned that I am broken and nothing will ever change that, I’ve learned that living without baby K is incredibly hard. The truth is time doesn’t heal everything. Time doesn’t make it easier. You just learn how to hide the pain. You learn how to smile even though on the inside your heart is broken. Things I once loved aren’t the same. The beach was my happy place, but now all I see are broken dreams and things that will never happen. The guilt of loosing you is destroying me.
My husband is my biggest supporter. I know that know matter what he wants me happy. I know that he is always there. But what people don’t talk about is how the death of someone changes your marriage. Your spouse is the person you tell everything too. I am very open about my feelings but then I feel like its all we talk about. And if I talk about baby K less I feel guilty. No matter how strong your marriage is things aren’t the same after you loose your baby. We smile and pretend like it is but the truth is I am broken. There is an emptiness in my heart that can’t be fixed.
Every day on earth is one day closer to seeing baby K. Until we meet again you will never be forgotten. Mommy loves you!
The big 8 