I don’t want to be sad. I don’t want to feel like there is a huge hole in my heart. I don’t want to feel like I’m drowning. I don’t want to feel like I’m crazy. But that is the truth I’m not fine. I’m sad. I’m drowning in grief. My heart aches so bad that it is unbearable. I can smile and pretend to be happy but the truth is I am hurting.
Just 16 days ago I was looking forward to this precious life. I was ready to give it all my love. I had named the baby. I had prayed for the baby. I had bought clothes for the baby. I loved and still love Baby K as much as I love my children that are earth-side.
I wish I didn’t hurt. I wish I could feel normal. I don’t know how long I will hurt. I am not alone in this club. There are many of us grieving for a child. However, it feels very lonely. I wouldn’t wish anyone to join this club with me.
Please be patient with me. Understand I’m grieving. Grief is different for every person. Know that I want to talk about baby K. I don’t want baby K forgotten.
👼🏼 RIP my angel
-J
The big 8 